I have been pretty good about shoving these feelings deep down just to avoid facing their hard truth.
Let me first start by saying I am happy with the majority of my life. We (my family) are all meshing smoothly together and able to spend quite a bit of quality time together, which is huge.
But, I am still feeling lost.
I had simple goals: get married, have children, and teach. Check, check, and check.
Soon it was up to me to produce our future, and I could not. I was not good enough. I forced these changes.
These changes had to be made and I just followed along dutifully.
I researched and tried to plan for the unknown and made a decision to head back to school.
I do believe this is the direction I want to head in, but what if I am again not good enough? What if my short stint at a career is all I get? What if I live in the shadows of everyone elses' successes and forget who I once was?
I'm nearing thirty in a couple of years and feel like I should be settled in all aspects of my life, but what if I don't ever find that place? What if I continue to feel lost, always searching for my greater purpose, but never find it?