We're in a clouded maze trying to find our way back to each other. Who we used to be has died and now we have to find out who we are today and who we'll be tomorrow. It is going to take a long time to get it all figured out, but I know it will happen some day. Our bond as one has been shattered and needs to be rebuilt. When you literally do not have any alone time together, you lose the us and become two separate people living two completely different lives. I pray that through it all we will become stronger then before, that's the only way I'm holding on.
No one can prepare you for life after children, and I feel like we are experiencing it all for the first time. I know that it is due to Cody not being here to help raise Addyson until recently. Not only is he learning how to raise an infant, but two at a time is a struggle. From the moment he walks into the door after work, it is pure chaos until the wee hours of the night.
5:30pm - eat dinner while babies are typically being fed (propped up)
6 - 6:30 pm - bath for Addyson (still feeding babies)
7pm - story and bed for Addyson
7:15 - 9:30 pm : bath (every other night) for the babies, give them their meds, put on pjs and work on getting them to bed.
9 - 10 pm :Kinsley goes to bed
8 - 11 pm or later : tend to a fussy, never wanting to go to sleep Eligh.
Once Eligh goes to sleep we both pass out, minimal talking is done at this point because of pure exhaustion.
Between 2 and 4 am Kinsley wakes up for a feeding then heads back to bed until 7 am.
Eligh sleeps until 4/5 am eats and heads back to bed until 7:30/8am.
As you can see there is no more us time. When we are together we are usually discussing what to try next with Eligh and that's it.
It's an adjustment to go from having nightly time when it was just Addyson to having no time whatsoever. I know that when that miraculous night comes where the babies both sleep through the night then we can get back to us time and work on recreating an us. Until then we are at a standstill watching from the sidelines anticipating each other's next move.