We're in a clouded maze trying to find our way back to each other. Who we used to be has died and now we have to find out who we are today and who we'll be tomorrow. It is going to take a long time to get it all figured out, but I know it will happen some day. Our bond as one has been shattered and needs to be rebuilt. When you literally do not have any alone time together, you lose the us and become two separate people living two completely different lives. I pray that through it all we will become stronger then before, that's the only way I'm holding on.
No one can prepare you for life after children, and I feel like we are experiencing it all for the first time. I know that it is due to Cody not being here to help raise Addyson until recently. Not only is he learning how to raise an infant, but two at a time is a struggle. From the moment he walks into the door after work, it is pure chaos until the wee hours of the night.
5:30pm - eat dinner while babies are typically being fed (propped up)
6 - 6:30 pm - bath for Addyson (still feeding babies)
7pm - story and bed for Addyson
7:15 - 9:30 pm : bath (every other night) for the babies, give them their meds, put on pjs and work on getting them to bed.
9 - 10 pm :Kinsley goes to bed
8 - 11 pm or later : tend to a fussy, never wanting to go to sleep Eligh.
Once Eligh goes to sleep we both pass out, minimal talking is done at this point because of pure exhaustion.
Between 2 and 4 am Kinsley wakes up for a feeding then heads back to bed until 7 am.
Eligh sleeps until 4/5 am eats and heads back to bed until 7:30/8am.
As you can see there is no more us time. When we are together we are usually discussing what to try next with Eligh and that's it.
It's an adjustment to go from having nightly time when it was just Addyson to having no time whatsoever. I know that when that miraculous night comes where the babies both sleep through the night then we can get back to us time and work on recreating an us. Until then we are at a standstill watching from the sidelines anticipating each other's next move.
Showing posts with label Twins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Twins. Show all posts
Saturday, January 22, 2011
From three to five
This is it! The LAST weekend we will spend as a family of three. Next weekend we'll be bringing home two new babies and extending our family to five. Some of us tend to jump in numbers rather then slowly grow one by one. Just 5 more days of putting just Addyson to bed, 5 more dinners just the three of us, only 5 more nights that Cody and I will have a few hours of relaxation without any interruptions, just 4 more mornings to wake up between 7 and 8, just 5 more days of dealing with congestion, 5 more days of pelvic pain and pressure, 5 more days of heartburn hell, just 5 more days until our life is going to be forever changed....just 5, 5 more days.
I know that I can make it through these next few days, and I'm holding these babies in by resting as much as possible. I can't guarantee that Addyson will help matters, as she jumps on my belly almost all day. I think someone is anxious to meet her siblings (or maybe she just wants her mommy to be "normal" again). Of course I will have to heal and will be in pain, but that's what drugs arefor (to help minimize that pain). I know that there is an end to it all and I will be able to see my feet again, and that my stomach will be much smaller (it won't look pretty, but it will be smaller). Eventually I will be able to walk comfortably again, I'll be able to run through the house after Addyson, play in Addyson's toy room, and be able to move from sitting to standing at a much faster rate.
I cannot, though, for the life of me actually picture the babies here. I cannot see them in my arms getting hugs and kisses, or even picture them at home with us. I went through the same disbelief with Addyson. I just can't picture that we will be so lucky to actually be blessed with two more children, and thus cannot see them in our lives. I can, though, picture not being pregnant any more. Odd, I know. But, nothing about me is truly "normal."
So, as the day comes to a close and Cody is home for the weekend we will be trying to cherish these last few days as a family of three soon to grow to 5in just a matter of 5 days. I will spend most of the weekend grading papers and writing up progress reports, but I'm going to try and take mental snap shots of the time we share together this weekend, for it will be our last as just us 3. Instead of focusing on all the pain Addyson is causing me as she jumps on my belly, I will focus on how she is just trying to get close to me and give me lots of love. Instead of focusing on the pain I feel when I walk any where, I will just grit my teeth and put on a smile and remember these moments. No pain no gain, right?
And I would like to add....Ike you better listen: "Stay far, far away! You will NOT ruin my delivery! I have done everything I can to hold off on having these babies until Wednesday, and I will NOT allow you to take that away from me. Damnit...I think I deserve to have the babies at the hospital I have chosen with the doctor I am comfortable with. I repeat: STAY THE HELL AWAY!!!"
I know that I can make it through these next few days, and I'm holding these babies in by resting as much as possible. I can't guarantee that Addyson will help matters, as she jumps on my belly almost all day. I think someone is anxious to meet her siblings (or maybe she just wants her mommy to be "normal" again). Of course I will have to heal and will be in pain, but that's what drugs arefor (to help minimize that pain). I know that there is an end to it all and I will be able to see my feet again, and that my stomach will be much smaller (it won't look pretty, but it will be smaller). Eventually I will be able to walk comfortably again, I'll be able to run through the house after Addyson, play in Addyson's toy room, and be able to move from sitting to standing at a much faster rate.
I cannot, though, for the life of me actually picture the babies here. I cannot see them in my arms getting hugs and kisses, or even picture them at home with us. I went through the same disbelief with Addyson. I just can't picture that we will be so lucky to actually be blessed with two more children, and thus cannot see them in our lives. I can, though, picture not being pregnant any more. Odd, I know. But, nothing about me is truly "normal."
So, as the day comes to a close and Cody is home for the weekend we will be trying to cherish these last few days as a family of three soon to grow to 5in just a matter of 5 days. I will spend most of the weekend grading papers and writing up progress reports, but I'm going to try and take mental snap shots of the time we share together this weekend, for it will be our last as just us 3. Instead of focusing on all the pain Addyson is causing me as she jumps on my belly, I will focus on how she is just trying to get close to me and give me lots of love. Instead of focusing on the pain I feel when I walk any where, I will just grit my teeth and put on a smile and remember these moments. No pain no gain, right?
And I would like to add....Ike you better listen: "Stay far, far away! You will NOT ruin my delivery! I have done everything I can to hold off on having these babies until Wednesday, and I will NOT allow you to take that away from me. Damnit...I think I deserve to have the babies at the hospital I have chosen with the doctor I am comfortable with. I repeat: STAY THE HELL AWAY!!!"
Sexes
First, I want to say thank you to everyone sending me the positive thoughts and prayers. I had so much emotion and anticipation built up inside of me and by the time I got home and talked to my family, I crashed. I had fallen from my emotional high and did not have the energy to even begin to think to write a blog. So, I'm sorry for making so many of you wait for the news.
We (me and two of my friends) got to the appointment a little early and I instantly felt like I was going to throw up from nerves. Cody called right after I sat down and I told him that it wasn't time yet and for him to call in about 10/15 minutes. I knew that the tech would have to do all the measurements before we did anything else....so it would be a while. Soon after I was called back. Gulp, moment of truth was awaiting me. The tech gets me all ready, with some surprisingly warm, almost hot, gel on my belly and we see the babies moving around. Whew, there are still two babies. Alright, let me see that both their hearts are beating, check. The tech started with baby A (on my left side). Heather was manning the phone and I asked the tech if I could talk to my husband when he called, and she had no problem with it what so ever. When the tech did the heartbeat Cody could hear it loud and clear and he said, "I miss hearing that." He was there for all but maybe one or two of my appointments with Addyson and he always loved hearing the heartbeat. She did all the measurements and we were ready to take a peak at what sex baby a was. Legs were apart and this is what we saw:
Heather passed the phone so I could tell Cody that baby a was a girl. His response, "Are you sure?" LOL! Yes, definitely a girl. He was excited, just to actually know. Then, came the growth of baby a. She weighed in at 14ozs (391 grams) and was one week ahead. PERFECT! Ahead is great, especially with twins. Relief set in....one more baby to go.
Baby B was pretty stubborn. Kept doing flip flops and refused to do a profile shot. The tech had the hardest time getting a good picture of the heart, just because of all the movement. I am explaining to Cody everything that is going on so that he can feel as if he was actually there with me. Tech was able to get a good shot of the legs and this is what we all saw:
Baby B is a boy! Very obvious! LOL! Cody was soooooo excited. One of each, perfect, he said. We talked for a little while longer and he was dying to call his dad to share the news. Of course I let him go, because I knew I still had another appointment to go and he was about to jump out of his skin with excitement. Baby B is also 14ozs (400grams) and also measuring a week ahead.
So the babies are 9 grams apart and have strong heartbeats in the high to mid 140's. We couldn't be happier.
Here are a couple more pics of the babies:
The appointment couldn't have gone smoother, except of course if Cody was there, but with my friends there it made it mean the world to me and I was able to truly enjoy it all.
I have my next appointment in 4 weeks for another U/S, which will be cool.
I would write more, but I'm still coming off that emotional high and am feeling beyond exhausted.
We (me and two of my friends) got to the appointment a little early and I instantly felt like I was going to throw up from nerves. Cody called right after I sat down and I told him that it wasn't time yet and for him to call in about 10/15 minutes. I knew that the tech would have to do all the measurements before we did anything else....so it would be a while. Soon after I was called back. Gulp, moment of truth was awaiting me. The tech gets me all ready, with some surprisingly warm, almost hot, gel on my belly and we see the babies moving around. Whew, there are still two babies. Alright, let me see that both their hearts are beating, check. The tech started with baby A (on my left side). Heather was manning the phone and I asked the tech if I could talk to my husband when he called, and she had no problem with it what so ever. When the tech did the heartbeat Cody could hear it loud and clear and he said, "I miss hearing that." He was there for all but maybe one or two of my appointments with Addyson and he always loved hearing the heartbeat. She did all the measurements and we were ready to take a peak at what sex baby a was. Legs were apart and this is what we saw:
Heather passed the phone so I could tell Cody that baby a was a girl. His response, "Are you sure?" LOL! Yes, definitely a girl. He was excited, just to actually know. Then, came the growth of baby a. She weighed in at 14ozs (391 grams) and was one week ahead. PERFECT! Ahead is great, especially with twins. Relief set in....one more baby to go.
Baby B was pretty stubborn. Kept doing flip flops and refused to do a profile shot. The tech had the hardest time getting a good picture of the heart, just because of all the movement. I am explaining to Cody everything that is going on so that he can feel as if he was actually there with me. Tech was able to get a good shot of the legs and this is what we all saw:
Baby B is a boy! Very obvious! LOL! Cody was soooooo excited. One of each, perfect, he said. We talked for a little while longer and he was dying to call his dad to share the news. Of course I let him go, because I knew I still had another appointment to go and he was about to jump out of his skin with excitement. Baby B is also 14ozs (400grams) and also measuring a week ahead.
So the babies are 9 grams apart and have strong heartbeats in the high to mid 140's. We couldn't be happier.
Here are a couple more pics of the babies:
The appointment couldn't have gone smoother, except of course if Cody was there, but with my friends there it made it mean the world to me and I was able to truly enjoy it all.
I have my next appointment in 4 weeks for another U/S, which will be cool.
I would write more, but I'm still coming off that emotional high and am feeling beyond exhausted.
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