Bust a Myth

 

It is National Infertility Awareness Week, and this year it is all about "Busting an Infertility Myth."  

What myth, could I possibly bust with three children happily living and flourishing?  

That is just it, the stigma that once you become a parent infertility leaves your soul just as the waves wash away the sand.  This may be true for some, but it is not an assumption that should be made.  For me and I am sure others, infertility makes a home in your heart showing it's reminder in little glimpses of light just as the sun peaks through the blinds during a beautiful spring day.  It is there, always a part of you who you are, no matter how hard the struggle to get to what others see as "the other side."  

My struggle was mine to live and no, it was not as complicated and hard as it may have been for so many others, but it was still a fight I had to face, and face mostly alone.  I went through my infertility battle with my husband as nearly my only support.  My friends had not suffered as I had, and did not know of others who had suffered, and my family simply shrugged their shoulders and continue to still ignore what I went through as if it was a figment of my imagination.  I felt invalid, incapable, and told my husband to leave me so he would not have to go through this with me.  Because HE did not deserve this. 

Yes, I have these three amazing, beautiful children who light up my day and make me a mother, what so many are still craving to become, but I still find moments when I look at them and wonder what if, why, how?  And, it still pains me to think of what should have been my first child, and my loss was FIVE years ago. 

I may not discuss or ponder my infertility struggle often on this blog, and tend to share much more about my children, but it does not mean I have overcome or forgotten where I once stayed.  If anything, I feel that I am in limbo unsure of where I really belong in this infertility community, and so I am left teeter-tottering never completely landing on either side. 

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