I am the most indecisive person you could probably meet. I never want to make the wrong decision in any aspect of my life and would rather someone just tell me what the right answer is so I wouldn't have have to do the back and forth discussions with myself (don't worry these happen mostly in my head not loud enough for others to hear).
I had an opportunity to go in for an interview, which I ended up turning down. After turning it down and the entire day fighting with myself on what to do, I made a decision (or at least I have for a little while). There is absolutely no point in working this school year, when it would require putting three children in day care. For what? My own personal satisfaction with working again? That's just stupid, and I wish once again, someone would be my voice of reason.
I know I have enough on my plate this year with Addyson starting part day preschool, dance class once a week, actual one-on-one time with the twins, and working on my master's degree. Next year the twins will be close to turning four and Addy will be in full day school, so if I want to go back to working, next year would make more sense.
The hardest part of this decision is that I have had both experiences: working full time and staying at home full time. If I had only one experience I wouldn't necessarily understand all that I would be missing, but I do know what both ends entail and I want both. I want to be teaching again some way some how, but I also want to be here for my three. I truly do enjoy both. Obviously at this point in my life I can't do both and when I looked at the kids and thought about possibly sending them to daycare I cried. They want and deserve to have one parent home, and I am the only one who can do that.
Working moms and stay at home moms have often debated, and instead of debating who is right and wrong a simple act of empathy is really what should be handed out instead of the guilt trip so many try to give. Making the decision to stay home and live on one income or working full time while putting kids into daycare is never an easy decision for any parent. Nor is one way right for all.
Please, I ask all of you to immediately slap me in the face if I mention working this school year. I am serious, and I would totally do the same if you needed me to.
Either way, you give up somethings, plural. There definitely is no perfect answer and the best you can hope for in my eye is what is net best when evaluated across your whole family.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have really thought it through and drawn a good, clear conclusion for now. So, I would say set a date to just not consider it (sounds like the end of the school year, May/June 2012) would work well.
Good luck, regardless.
Agreed. Slap me too.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to focus on the present and realize that our little ones will only be little for a very short amount of time. In a few years we'll easily be able to teach as much as we want -- and be with our kids when they are home. Why is that so difficult to remember/focus on? I have the same struggles.
Teaching online is definitely nice and very flexible -- but I still need some child care (12 hours a week) and I work evenings/nap times. I know you're doing your school working during nap time/evenings too now but I really need that uninterrupted child care time to grade papers and provide feedback.
Bahahahahaaaa...I can't imagine slapping you in the face. Other people? YES! You? NEVER!
ReplyDeleteI think that you've got to come to peace with your decision. You'll be able to fully focus on what you want to accomplish this year and you'll go back to teaching eventually...it's not like it's a dying field. I can't wait to get back, but will enjoy the next few years COMPLETELY as I'll never have this kind of sabbatical again!
It's great that you were able to make peace with your decision. I was EXTREMELY lucky that I had my mom to watch our girls while I worked. I'm not sure I would have been able to leave them in daycare, especially when they were infants. I empathize with those who have to make that tough decision. It sucks. Of course, we can't pay our bills with only my husband's income, but that is a choice we made, and now a choice we have to live with. Both of my girls will be in full time school this year, and I am SO not ready emotionally for that!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. No matter what, something has to give. Mother's guilt is THE WORST!
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