Stewing and brewing

I have to get it all out....this week has consumed me.

I took Kinsley in early this week for a cold that has left her winded all.day.long.  She has been "diagnosed" with asthma for a year now and has been on meds to treat it this whole time, with no real improvement (which I planned on discussing in just a few weeks when she turns four - yes, four!).  I wanted the doc to give me something to help her breath comfortably as the regular and rescue inhalers were doing nothing.  We saw a different doc who was very thorough and actually looked through her whole record and made corrections to medications that were listed and various dosages, etc.  What I hoped would be a quick, "here let's do a breathing treatment" type appointment, turned into more than I was prepared for.

The doc first ordered a newer chest X-ray and another prescription to see if it is more allergies versus asthma.  I had a hunch that the doc would also refer her to a pulmonologist (but in September at her routine appointment), but she went ahead and did a referral now.  Basically the doctor said that if she is not getting better then it is probably not asthma and could be allergies, but with her already taking singular daily for many, many months she should not have these symptoms.  Hopefully, the pulmonologist will help get her correctly diagnosed and figured out.

BUT, then, the doc also states that she is going to refer her to a cardiologist (a what?!) because she could hear a heart murmur.  Seriously, what just happened?!  I about broke down in the room, as I not only am I being thrown for a loop I also have the pleasure of having all three kiddos with me while trying to process everything.

It was simply an overwhelming day, and the worry is still sitting there brewing, but as the days go on it gets pushed further down as we wait for referrals to go through and get more doctor appointments lined up.  I know that the heart murmur could be or couldn't be present as well as not at all be a thing to worry about.  I do.  I just need to get to that point.  Right now, though, I am still stewing with frustration, fear, and worry.  So, here we wait....which is the worst form of torture out there.